


Things You Tell Yourself

by Tlikesprettythings



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Feelings Realization, Not Beta Read, They did Desi wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:15:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26137180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tlikesprettythings/pseuds/Tlikesprettythings
Summary: Desi starts noticing things slowly, she always knew that they were close. Riley was kind of like Jack’s replacement in Mac’s life she deduced in the beginning. She liked Riley, she was smart, could fend for self, and honestly felt she had nothing to worry about because she seemed highly principled, hell she went to jail trying to change the world. But as time passed, she started to see just how Mac looked at the other woman.
Relationships: Angus MacGyver/Desiree "Desi" Nguyen, Riley Davis/Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 101





	Things You Tell Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr since I didn't have an account with ao3 yet. This was my very first Macgyver fic, and honestly, it kicked off a slur of ideas for me to explore. I wanted to write something Desi's point of view because there is no way she doesn't notice the way Mac reacts to Riley. 
> 
> This one is slightly edited version from the one on Tumblr. Enjoy and let me know what you guys think!

Desi starts noticing things slowly, she always knew that they were close. Riley was kind of like Jack’s replacement in Mac’s life she deduced in the beginning. She liked Riley, she was smart, could fend for self, and honestly, Desi felt she had nothing to worry about because she seemed highly principled, hell she went to jail trying to change the world, so she was definitely intense. But as time passed, she started to see just how Mac looked at the other woman.

It was how his eyes would find her in any situation, look for _her_ approval. She didn’t believe in jealousy, it was such a useless feeling, but she couldn’t help but think about these small encounters that she noticed. So, of course, the voice in her mind started to question if there was more to this, did she need to worry? She decided it was her trying to come up with excuses to run because she had done this before. 

But she couldn’t deny the fact that during their double date, there was a look on his face as he watched Riley and Aubrey. She also recalled him muttering “what kind of name is Aubrey anyway?” under his breath when they had finally spoken about Riley’s new live-in boyfriend. She chalked it up to him being a protective older brother. Riley, Bozer, Matty, and Jack were his family, she understood this much, and they were heavily invested in each other's lives, too much if they asked her. 

It would build up slowly like after Riley moved in and she would come over after her day was done to find them laughing casually to some sci-fi movie that they had watched, or it would be the two of them shouting at each other playfully while playing video games or that they would be attempting to cook dinner together, each with a task and laughing when the other failed miserably. An easy banter that flowed so naturally. Riley always seemed open with her, smiled, and welcomed her, gave them space. But it was the time they spent all together that gave away to the fact that she was the third wheel to Mac and Riley set not the other way round. 

Or as they ate take out, Mac spoke about everything and Riley seemed to keep up. She didn’t look bored, if anything she hung on his every word and would challenge him or bring him back to earth when he veered from laymen with a wisecrack and a roll of her eyes.

“How many times do you think you watched Die Hard with Jack?” Mac asked eyes trained on Riley.

“Son, when I was a kid or now?” Riley laughed, “I definitely got you beat in that department, I’m sure.”

“There’s no way! I will bet you…something when I think of it.” He laughed harder.

“Deal! I need another Mac gadget. That wifi signal booster you built me came in handy.” She said taking a swig of her beer.

Desi watched almost enchanted, she hadn’t seen this Mac in a while. The silly beautiful blonde genius that she fell for. It wasn’t easy for them like it was for him and Riley she realized and it tightened her throat a little. He’s never made her anything, has he? She later rationalized that it made sense that they would be comfortable with each other, they’d had more time to adjust. Yea, that’s what it was. It became a thing she told herself.

Even when Riley ran away to join him at Codex, she said to herself that it was because they were friends and if she were honest she was glad that Riley did so he wouldn’t be alone, that she had his back. Why couldn’t Desi have his back? Why couldn’t she see the bigger picture and trust Mac? But all that did was proved her point more. Mac and Riley were a package deal. Could she have a relationship with a man that had another woman he was in a co-dependent relationship with? Could she be with a man that she didn’t fully trust? But she did trust him, didn’t she?

Until that moment with Codex, she thought it was all one-sided attachment from Mac but when she looked at Riley’s eyes when they thought it was Mac who blew up, she recognized the look of devastating loss. Well fuck, Riley Davis had feelings for her boyfriend. She chose to file it away for another time when she had time to process.

The next few days just drove the matter home to death really. Mac had asked for some time to be alone, he had just lost his only remaining family, but the person who he didn’t ask space from was Riley. Of course, her living in the house made the situation complicated. But she knew in her gut that the person who he needed was Riley to get over this. If there was anyone that could ground him it was Riley. No amount of her Phò would help here.

So when they were in congress fighting for his mother and aunt’s research and a vision of a better world, she made a point of telling him she knew him too. He did smile at her then but it didn’t look as brilliant as when he would later smile at Riley who sat proudly as he spoke his argument towards the climate issue and the new green deal. What’s one more lie that’s what she told herself anyway. 

She couldn’t be mad at Riley, she really couldn’t. Riley did her best to steer the respectful road, she no longer sat close to Mac, she kept her distance and even told Mac she would be moving out soon, that she had found an apartment that would be available in a week’s time. That night Mac was in a terrible mood to the point that she decided to go back to her place, it was hard not to put one and one together. She felt sorry for all of them really. She just had to prep herself for what she knew had to be done, but there was a part of her that continued to rationalize all these events. Because she did love Mac, but then she remembered him telling her he loved in the middle of extracting information from the merchant. But later when she thought about, she put him on the spot and maybe he thought he loved her but he wasn't _in love_ with her. 

Everything really came crashing down when they were on a mission and he had to choose between her and Riley. She’ll give him some credit that she thought he did hesitate for a millisecond but ultimately he went after Riley. She almost laughed at the irony of the situation. Fuck what a spectacularly horrible feeling she felt spread across her body at that moment and it had nothing to do with her pending death. 

Russ was able to save her, and Mac saved Riley. She watched as he held the smaller woman close to his side checking her over, concern, and devastation was written all over his faces. He hadn’t glanced over to her yet. The funny thing is, it could’ve been seconds but when you’re the one feeling like a fool it sure feels a lot longer. She felt the familiar anger and sadness come alight. 

When they finally got back home and did their debriefs and written their reports, she decided to go over to his place. Riley was in the hospital for observation. It was no surprise that Mac was only home for a quick shower before he’d be back in the hospital. 

“This isn’t working.” She said flatly crossing her arm across her chest, needing the protection. He just sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, so he wasn’t going to fight her on this. 

“No, it’s not. I wanted it to, believe me when I say that. I thought our own thing could be enough. But I think we both deserve better, you especially deserve someone better.” He said sincerely. 

“You’re right I do deserve better, I deserve someone who can trust me fully, I deserve someone who will fight for me the way you fight for _her_.” the words slip out before she has a chance to stop them. She’s not this person who fights over a man or belittles another woman, but the anger and hurt take center stage for a second and she loses control. A part of her mind chided her that she didn't trust him fully either.

He looks confused for a second, then as if the realization of her words really hit him. “I’m sorry Desi.”

She chuckled, “We never stood a chance. You didn’t have room for me.” finally voicing what she’s known for a while now. “It’s always been _her_ , hasn’t it?”

It’s as if he’s figuring all of this out for the first time, which just made it all the more shittier. How could she even be mad when they were so oblivious and respectful and willing to just bury it to keep each other in the status quo. “Fuck! Are you serious Mac?! Do you not realize that it’s Riley! That you’re in love with her?!” she runs a hand through her hair which slowly makes it’s way to her lips and she starts to laugh even though her eyes stung.

“Desi…” Mac takes a step forward, but she steps away from him holding up a hand to stop him. Giving herself a second more she clears her throat, swiping away at the tears that spilled over. 

“I know,” she simply says. Because she does, he’d never hurt her intentionally but doesn’t mean this doesn’t hurt. “Mac, get your shit together or you’ll lose her. Tell her how you feel before she buries how she feels about you.” With that, she walks away from his place. He doesn’t try to stop her, and she’s glad that he doesn’t. 

Later when her heart cools and she has a chance, to be honest with herself. She actually is happy that Mac found someone who fit him in every way. She made a pact with herself to follow her gut next time. She tries to stay away from the hospital but decided she owes Riley at least the courtesy of a colleague. 

She’s not surprised to see Mac next to Riley’s bed holding her hand to his lips. She decides that maybe it’s best to just give them all the space. So when Russ looks at her in the lobby with understanding, she realizes that they were all just in a Shakespearean level tragic comedy. But hey that’s life, full of wonderful moments and losses.


End file.
